So…today is my 30th birthday. I’ve been avoiding any real contemplation of this event in hopes that it could just magically pass by without notice. Apparently that’s just not going to happen. Sigh.
I love birthdays, but I don’t enjoy celebrating them per se. I prefer a quiet dinner or a small group of close friends. I get a little anxious when it’s all eyes on me – there are just too many expectations for this behind-the-scenes girl. Luckily the celebration this year has been pushed back til tomorrow, so I at least have today to bring this new decade into perspective.
I know that in the grand scheme of life 30 is still young. It’s not really so much about the actual number as it is about the expectations – those that were met, exceeded, or fell incredibly short. I never had a before-30 bucket list, but I did have some expectation of where I would be by now. I refuse to dwell on how things fail to match up, but I feel like it has to be acknowledged at least…(dramatic pause)
Okay. Moment had. Now on to a more positive note! (smile) What would I like to accomplish in this new decade? Well, I’d like to find a place to settle down for a while – a more permanent base if you will. I’m really hoping this is the time to finally make that move to an international residence. I want to travel more – there are still 3 continents left after all! I’d like to mark at least one of those off the list this decade (I’m down to the more expensive ones now, so 1 seems reasonable). I’d like to maybe get a dog. Pay off at least one of these damned student loans. I mostly just want to love my life and to be more grateful for the every day moments. I keep looking to the future for that happiness and I need to find it now – the future is arriving entirely too quickly to keep taking today for granted! Doesn’t seem so hard to accomplish, right??
Today I just want to be quiet and reflect on where I’ve been, where I am, and where I’m going. Tomorrow I will celebrate. The next day I will leave for the best possible trip to start my new decade. Maybe this whole turning 30 thing isn’t so bad after all…(smile)