What is it about long weekends that make them seem to go by even faster than regular ones? I’ve really enjoyed the freedom of the last few days, but if I’m honest, I’ve definitely been much less productive than I intended. I know sometimes you just need down time, but that’s the excuse I tell myself in the evenings. Eventually that excuse runs into procrastination or just plain laziness, depending on your perspective.
I was born a procrastinator. I’ve always been perfectly happy putting whatever task off until the last possible moment – I do some of my best work under last minute panic. Unfortunately, this last minute panic is just that – a panic. Just because I can procrastinate and still do a good job doesn’t mean that I should allow myself to go that route. Yet that’s exactly what I find myself doing. Some people have problems sticking to a diet or exercise routine – my biggest problem is sticking to the commitment to complete tasks ahead of their deadline.
It’s only recently that I can really look back and see some of the true effects procrastination has had on my life. I always thought I was doing just fine, but in truth I let a lot of opportunities slip by due to time constraints. I settled for good enough instead of my best. I know I could have done quite a few things differently and found myself in a very different position today. However, I refuse to mark those choices down as regrets; instead I’m trying to view them as
learning motivational opportunities.
2014 is winding down and there are so many decisions that I’ve allowed myself to defer to 2015 that I’m rather disappointed in myself. As a result, I also find myself disappointed with 2014 in general, which really isn’t fair to the year itself. I already find myself marking this off as “yet another disappointing year,” when in truth it’s been anything but disappointing. I have made some progress, even if it’s only been in fits and starts. At least now I see the truth behind my habits so that I can work on making new ones.I just celebrated my 31st birthday a couple of weeks ago. I’m now officially in my thirties and it’s time – it’s past time – to stop procrastinating and move forward with life. This procrastination lately isn’t because I’d rather be reading a book for pleasure (although that’s almost always true…) or due to laziness. I’m just afraid to fail. And that’s something that’s been really difficult to admit. One of my friends recently pointed out that I always think three steps ahead in any situations – even my “spontaneous moments” are well calculated. I’ve gotten pretty good at calculating possibilities in an instant; given longer to think about a decision and I can work things out to a plan Y (a double-edged sword depending on the situation). Maybe it’s no wonder I’ve been procrastinating on moving forward with big life decisions lately – I’ve exhausted my motivation in contingency planning!
I’d like to wrap this up with some positive statement about how I plan on not falling back into my old patterns in this new year of life – and that’s true in a not-likely kinda way – but frankly, it’s going to be an uphill battle. I’m not sure how to find a constant source of motivation. I truly am working on taking a mental step back and more organically going with the flow – doing things as time allows and staying out of my own way – but I’ve found that there is nothing smooth about that “flow.” There’s been great difficulty lately in staying patient with myself during the bumpy times and that makes me question so many things, mostly myself. It’s so much easier to blow off the hard stuff and stick my head in a book or some artsy project! Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be able to overcome my procrastination – or my fears – to really move forward in the way I think I want. I suppose only time and hard work will tell…