No, but thanks for asking!

So I can safely say this year is off to a rather…awkward start. I don’t talk about the relationship portion of my personal life on here very often – and even then it’s usually pretty vague. I generally do this to avoid any embarrassment later should anyone stumble across this blog. Of course if I’m honest, there’s not too much to tell either!

Frankly, I prefer to be single (at least for now). That means I end up turning down most invitations, which is usually so awkward (for me anyway). Needless to say, I try to avoid those situations wherever possible! However, over New Year’s a male friend who lives in my complex finally got up the courage to ask me out. I had been afraid the question was coming for a while now, but I had been purposefully sabotaging the situation to avoid the conversation. Color me cowardly. Anyway, I was determined to be honest when the time came, and I believe I was, but it was still so incredibly uncomfortable! These things…they just never end well. Whether we’re still friends or not, only time will tell, but the situation got me pondering the best methods for a gentle letdown. So of course I turned to Google and today I thought I would share my favorite best – and worst – advice on ways to turn a guy down. (I say “guy” here, but I’m guessing these pretty much apply no matter who’s on the other side!)

Love and flowers sand beach

Best:

  1. Be honest. If you’re not interested, just say so! Being blunt does not necessarily equal being mean. A lot of this method is actually in your tone of voice – try to keep the condescension, horror, etc. out of it and it should go pretty well.
  2. Just be friends. This one sort of goes along with being honest – if he’s someone you want to be friends with, let him know. This one is also a good line to use if he’s persistent or trying to guilt trip you into saying yes. Let him know if he doesn’t back off, you won’t be able to maintain a friendship with him.
  3. Apologize for your unavailability. Sometimes a simple “I’m sorry I’m dating someone …” is enough. If you’re saying no to a follow-up date, try saying you’ve decided to be exclusive with someone else. But really, #1 is your best bet no matter the situation.

Worst:

  1. Be rude. I suppose there’s a time and a place for this one – read really drunk guy at the bar – but in the general every day interactions, rudeness is meanness! You’re already turning him down, there’s no need to further snuff out his self-esteem!
  2. Avoid the situation or lead him on. If you aren’t interested in a guy, don’t string him along to avoid the situation (i.e., do as I say not as I do (smile)). Sure there is a chance he may lose interest, but there’s a bigger chance he’ll just keep asking. It’s better to have one awkward conversation than a series of them!
  3. Tell an obvious lie. According to my male friends, most guys know when a girl is lying to them – and apparently they consider it super annoying. Plus if he calls you on it things can get very uncomfortable!

What’s your go to way to say no??

4 thoughts on “No, but thanks for asking!

  1. I think honesty is the best policy. Like you say it should be a gentle let down but just be honest. At least then he’ll know where he stands. If you tell a little white like like “I’ve already got plans” etc. etc. then he’s just going to keep asking and like you said it’s a whole series of uncomfortable conversations. Who needs that? One is plenty!

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  2. First of all, thanks for sharing! I think it’s something everyone has to deal with on and off through life (some more than others =)). Granted it has been a looong time since I have had to turn down an invitation from another man since the hubs and I have been together 15 years. But this would also go along with say, your friend or in-laws inviting you out to something that you probably don’t want to do. It’s always best to be as polite, to the point and honest about everything. Totally agree with your Best #1 and agree that the Worst #1-3 are really worst.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are so right – these are pretty applicable situations with friends, family, etc. Sometimes those are even more difficult to handle appropriately! It’s certainly a struggle to keep in mind sometimes, but honesty truly is the best policy, even if not always the most comfy 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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