I climbed a mountain today. Not a very big one, really, but a summit that has beaten me on multiple occasions in the past. I went out for my usual Saturday hike this morning thinking only to change things up a bit. I haven’t been to this particular preserve in a while and, in the past, I’ve always called it quits around the half-way point. But today I didn’t. Today I went all the way to the summit.
I had a fantastic time in Morocco last week. I couldn’t have asked for a better group of people to share that experience with or a better place to take some fabulous photographs (which I intend to share soon I promise). The thing is, I wanted to back out of that trip right up until the last possible moment because I was afraid. I was afraid that my FM would flair up, that I couldn’t keep up, that my photography wouldn’t be good enough, that no one would like me, etc. So many insecurities…. But I went anyway, because that’s what I do. And I couldn’t be happier that I did.
I’d hoped that the trip would give me new insight/motivation on my life. I haven’t been happy in my current situation for some time now and it was slowly but surely starting to show in all aspects of my life. I definitely found what I was looking for – but of course not exactly in the way I’d expected. Turns out all those insecurities were just excuses I’ve been repeating over and over in my head until I believed them. They’d started to be my fallback for any activity that made me nervous and I realized I’d been missing out on a lot of life because of something mostly in my head. Don’t get me wrong, the FM is real and does require pacing, but I’m lucky in that it’s not nearly as bad as it could be. It’s something that has to be taken into consideration, but shouldn’t take me out of consideration (if that makes any sense).
So when I reached that half-way point this morning, I decided to stop making excuses and keep going. Damn the FM, the bum knee, the breathing, the stupidity of it all. I was determined to make it to the top – and I did. Yes, coming down was a bit harrowing. Yes, my knee is sore. Yes, I am – blissfully – tired. But I also feel accomplished. Like I have finally moved to a place beyond making excuses. And I am excited about life.
I actually meant this to post yesterday but clearly missed the publish button. Oops! No mountains today, but lots of fun ahead nonetheless 🙂